A Great Mom

There was a day, I felt so unsure about what I have to do for my life. I was thinking of people that should I called, of course my family came first in my mind. 


After having trouble with my aunt's phone, I decided to call my mom. I was too afraid to hear her voice that's the reason why my aunt in the first place. She is the bridge between me and mom, because she would give her comment from both perspective, me as daughter and take a part as my mother. Of course, she is my mom's sister, so she will know how to react.


I tried to call, it was failed at my first try. May be, it was a sign I shouldn't call mom, I said to my self.  But, lemme try once again.


A soft voice pick up the line, it was 6 o'clock in the morning, WIB.


I try to talk normal like nothing happen. Asking about the engagement of my family, how was the party, what about my sis transfer to Jakarta, so many things, til I came to the main subject.


I said, Mom I am tired.


I know she knew it, where the story goes. We talked about this couple times and always she said, we are welcoming you home anytime, dear.


And I started crying like a river, it was in the bathroom in the airport 2 o'clock in the morning, one of the cleaner saw me, and asked me if I am okay.


Well, I am fine.


I am too afraid for many things. disappointing her for my decision, for my small mindset about successful daughter, afraid that I can't be the right model for my bro and sis. It was too heavy for me and burdensome. I can't see myself standing and fighting by myself. I am just too weak and yes, tired of all the drama in the office. I am dying, honestly. 


I want to be free from the heavy mind and start my own happiness, and too afraid to choose by myself, which way should I go mom. I was thinking, Oh damn, what the hell I am doing to my mom, she must be very shocked!! I am wrong.


She was so calm, 
My baby, don't ever try to kill your soul. Live your life like you wanted. Be what ever you want to be, don't you ever think about money. about me. about your bro, your sis. That's your life. Be responsible for your life, be healthy, be happy!!


I don't want to be the one who get all the blame someday because I don't let you spread your wings. Fly high, see the world. Don't get afraid for things that worth to try, even when it's risky, a jobless-daughter doesn't mean you are fail in my eyes, you just need to get up and try again, you are my star. Remember that.


My tears keep on falling down and I was so grateful for having such a great support from her. Alhamdullilah.




I am afraid, yet excited to see what will happen this week as my resignation letter has been handed over week ago. I know I don't have enough saving, but I have enough courage and brave to step forward.




Pray for me please,




Bintang

Proudly to Announce....

I always come up with another crazyness decision in my life. Broken heart, hardworker, short-temper, lovable, anything happen, sometimes I can't control.

I plan for stay longer in Doha unfortunately, I couldn't. I feel my heart empty, no more power and tired with the shift and the people. I believe, I deserve to live my life happily.

This would be another journey of my-working experience. No one knows. After I finish my duty this year, to send my lil bro's nd sis to the higher level of education. It's time for me now, to gain more knowledge, experiences, and the real joy, which has been lost for these past couple of months.

No more cry, No more words "I am FED UP", I told you earlier, someday, when I choose my next destination, It's not because I can't survive, it's because I BELIEVE I can be BETTER.



Best of the best my dear,

I hope God stay with US, for those who brave to fight for their dreams

Anger Management

Sudah beberapa hari ini gw selalu membuka blog, create new post, tapi berujung dengan tanda silang di ujung kanan. 


Ada yang ingin gw tulis, kemudian terlupa atau kemudian mengurungkan niat untuk menuliskannya karena mungkin kondisi kejiwaan gw yang agak naik turun.


Oke, hitungan bulan, dengan satu tangan saja. Akan sampaikah saya pada akhir perjuangan saya sebagai pahlawan kesiangan di Doha raya,hahahahha...


Ada saat dimana gw merasa Okeeeyy, Doha adalah tempat terbaik gw saat ini. Disaat puluhan orang lain yang dulunya berharap merekalah yang terpilih, dan gw bersyukur, gw yang berharap fifty-fifty malah yang masuk. Gw bersyukur, gw bisa jalan-jalan melihat negara lain selain Indonesia, bisa bolak-balik Indonesia setiap beberapa bulan sekali yang menurut ZA gw ini termasuk deretan penumpang domestik, yang biasa hilir mudik di erpot Cengkareng. 8jam (ke Jakarta) atau 12jam (ke Bali) gw tempuh untuk bertemu orang-orang tercinta. Ini harus gw syukuri, karena membawa cerita lain ke kehidupan gw. Yang dulunya selalu bercerita tentang ARJUNA brekele di kantor lama.


Tapi, kebanyakan dan sekarang ini gw merasa, Okay, Enaaaffff Tik!!!! Lo bisa lebih hebat dari ini!! dari sekedar bahan-lelucon penumpang yang kesal. Lebih hebat dari orang-orang yang nyuruh-nyuruh lo padahal mereka LEBIH OON cuman menang RADIO di tangan doang yang sok akting senior atau akting supervisor!!!! TAAAIII lo pada. 


Gw cuman bisa tersenyum sinis ketika seorang temen, mantan-se departemen gw yang baru naek grade, yang aktingnya OH-MY-GOD brasa erpot milik dia kali yah. Gw yang notabene cuman bantuin Departemen Gate doang untuk finalising flight tiba-tiba dia bilang, "tolong dong lo atur Queue penumpang biar rapi"


"HELLOO, EXCUSE ME?? I am DONE here!! Ask someone else", dan gw ngeloyor pergi ngga perduli. Lo kira lo siapa ngasih perintah ke gw.




So many things yaaaaaaa,, I am so PISSED OFF TO THE MAX. Sumpah ini gak adil, gw pengen free rasanya. Pengen terbang bebas kemana saja gw suka, tanpa perduli tabungan gw ada berapa, gw kerja dimana, but I can't. I wish that one day God, one day, you grant my wish.




Then, here I am. Still in the middle of nowhere, fighting for my own future, fighting for my own happiness. Gw cuman ngga mau bodoh ngambil langkah tolol dengan pergi dari tanah GERSANG tanpa apa-apa, NEGARA ini harus membayar MAHAL atas jerih payah gw. 










Btg

One Moment in Life

Yesss,,, recharge energy is DONE, I am ready to work again :)

Setelah seminggu belakangan disibukkan dengan kerjaan yang makin lama keliatan semakin amburadul, jam tidur yang tambah ga tentu, lembur yang menjadi kebiasaan, dan banyak hal yang membuat hati dan pikiran udah ngga sejalan.

It's true. We need a break.

Kerja aja butuh break, apalagi relationship.. eaaa eeaaaaa mulai galau

Anyway, pengalaman yang gw rasain di Indonesia selama 2minggu itu emang Nano Nano banget, asem manis asin, campur gado-gado. But, I experienced sweet moment when I was met my friend. errrrr... yap, more than just a friend. errrrrr... yappp, him. I met him!!!

He met me at the airport, gimme a big warm hug that I missed so much. Finally we met again, a lot of stories to tell and a lot of plan to share. We were heading to Kuta Beach, chill in front of Minimart beach side. While talking, I felt my feet so hurt because of my new shoes, may be because I didn't wore my socks. So, I just take it off and relax.

We cancelled to go to Hardrock since I was too tired for having fun. I grab my shoes and he asked me,

 "What happen with your shoes?"

"Its hurting me, that's fine. We'll walk from the beach side only til the parking area"

"Okay. You can use my sandals, gimme your shoes"

and, it's exactly like this picture :

It feels nice, when someone act gentlemen :)

So I wore his sandals and he was barefoot with my shoes in his hand.

Nb

Celebration!

Gw lupa kapan terakhir kali gw shopping.

Hmm, bulan lalu? nope
2bulan lalu?? no no
aahh, End-of year sale, 4months ago I bought ONE piece of Mango jacket only.
Belanja baju, celana?? 6months ago??? hmm,, it's been a long looooong loooonnngg time ago I guess.

Beneraaann, gw udah ngga gila shopping kaya dulu walopun sebenernya masih ngarep ada duit sisa ditabungan buat gw belanjain, tapi berhubung tiap bulan gw udah nge-jatah buat transfer ke Indo, hasrat belanja gw meredup. Gw jadi anti-mall di Doha.

And now, berhubung gw ada di Endonesah, ya sudah,, saatnya menghadiahi diri sendiri untuk keberhasilan atas... apa ya?? ah sudahlah pokoknya rayakan saja. belanja aja.

Logo jeans, hiks I want Dust also, long dress, pink shirt, nice stripes-skirt, blush-on and lipstick from Revlon, refill Pac-powder (why the price is getting expensive!!), and more underwear. Enafff enaaaff enaaaffff.

#ahh, I bought one book in Gramedia, I think I am gonna like it, "Jangan Bodoh Mencari Jodoh" by Brili Agung Zaky Pradika. I never heard this name before but when I read couple pages and find out the stories inside with hadist and how it connected to our holy Qur'an, I just grab it. Let's talk about this later :)

Theeennn of course, at the end, I will ask my sis to transfer me some money coz I sent her all mine before I left Doha.



It is nice to work and spend your money without feeling guilty :P
I loooooooooooooooovvve my moneeeeeeeeyyyy
Hamdallah




shopping-mode-on
Bintang

Kapan Pulang?

Few months left, my dear...


Bunyi buzz dari coach yang hilir mudik setiap 1jam parkir dibawah apartemen agak melengking tanda pintu mobil segera ditutup dan biasanya disusul oleh hentakan sepatu ber-hak yang terburu-buru.


#Hati-hati mbak, nanti terpeleset.


Saya baru saja menempelkan badan di atas kasur, merebahkan diri sesaat, dan tiba-tiba teringat ucapan teman saya ketika kami makan ayam bakar Lebanon tadi.


"Saya mau pulang"


Tanpa komentar saya memakan ayam saya dengan muka datar. Ini memang bukan obrolan sekali dua kali tentang pengunduran diri, entah siapa yang duluan, kami berdua sepakat, kami akan segera angkat kaki. Dia yang ingin menikah, dan saya yang ingin buka usaha. Berbeda misi.


Sepanjang perjalanan pulang saya termenung, mencoba memilah-milah puzzle di kepala. Beberapa hari lagi saya 24. Saya mau kado ulang tahun apa ya?
#absurb




*******


Pakaian yang tadi sempat terlempar di atas tempat tidur, saya punguti satu persatu, kemudian berdiri sejenak di depan lemari. Berfikir keras, apakah semua ini akan muat dengan sekali angkut? apakah saya perlu membeli koper baru? 


Ah, rasanya muat. Pakaian yang sudah lecek akan saya tinggalkan, rice-cooker, piring, setrikaan, seprai, tentu akan saya wariskan. 


Ini semua gara-gara teman saya!! 


2hari lalu juga sama,


"Wow, you are on vacation?" tanya saya pada seorang lelaki hitam jangkung yang tersenyum ramah. Dia salah satu teman yang saya kenal, staff di airport.


"I am done. Never come back"
"Kidding me!!!"


Saya cek tiketnya, ada tulisan REPAT TICKET, Do Not Offload as per HR. One way, Doha-Nairobi.


Shiiiitttt.. Dengan tas kecil, bagasi yang cuman 10an kilo, teman saya melenggang meninggalkan Qatar. Jabat tangan dan ucapan Semoga Sukses mengakhiri percakapan kami.


Dia juga pulang.


Lalu saya bagaimana??
Mencoba menghitung uang tabungan untuk bertahan hidup, rasanya cukup walaupun pas-pasan. Janji saya untuk memperbaiki nisan Papa sudah terlaksana. Tabungan untuk adik saya kuliahpun sudah ada. Rasanya kalaupun saya harus pulang saat ini dan cuman sekedar bawa diri, saya tidak takut. Karna kewajiban saya sudah terpenuhi, bagian untuk saya nanti saya cari sendiri. PASTI ada jalan untuk saya. 


Pede = Wajib


Merangkai kembali bulan-bulan yang telah lalu, setahun pertama saya habiskan dengan beradaptasi. Bagaimana mengatur uang dan bersenang-senang, yang sayangnya kebanyakan senang-senangnya. Tabungan tidak kunjung naik dari 7digit. Awal tahun menjadi sebuah lecutan baru untuk segera menuntaskan kewajiban, Alhamdullilah target terpenuhi, di bulan ke-3, tabungan saya naik menjadi 8digit. Ternyata tidak sulit untuk hidup hemat:
-Awal bulan langsung transfer ke Indo
-Detail terhadap pengeluaran
-Sesekali mentraktir diri sendiri ketika berhasil melewati minggu yang sulit
-Selalu bersyukur


Jadi, ketika saya bertanya kepada diri saya sendiri, Apa yang sudah saya dapat selama 1tahun di Doha?
Belajar Menabung,, Jadi saya tidak akan menyalahkan diri sendiri ketika di satu tahun pertama ngga dapet apa-apa. Namanya juga belajar.


Then, few months left.
Get ready to get tanned.
Get ready to get wet.
Get ready to get them back.


Be ready, 


Btg